Run a mile, kick a mile and kiss a mile
by TCBN
Summary: NO gay pairings. Drunk parties, cheerleading fails, dances and relationships plus death. Kenny the perv, Stan the two timing whore, Bebe the whore, Wendy the bossy, Kyle the friendly, Alex the freak out, Sam the new kid all band together for a story of weirdness
1. Chapter 1

Kenny stood on the top of the bar and screamed, holding two liters of wine and screaming in absolute euphoric joy.

"THIS IS TOTALLY AWESOME!" Stan screamed, wobbling

"Bitches be mine!" Kenny hollered, pouring it's contents down Bebe's shirt, much to Kyle's drunken infuriation

"Kenny, you drunken bastard" Kyle snapped, swaying with a shot glass

"Kyle" Bebe took ahold of Kyle's hand, "He is always a drunk bastard"

"Hey Kah- Kyle" Stan wrapped an arm around him, "I- I- I- found out that there's a new kid in the school coming in a week"

"Whatever, man" Kyle burped, downing a beer

"And she sounds like she has the hottest pair of um…. Um what was it?" Stan frowned, booze dribbling out his mouth

"It's a guy" Kyle stared

"Well… there's this chick" Stan let go and walked off, "That I wanna…. Tell… about me"

Alex glanced at Stan swaying towards her and froze as he slapped two hands on her, pressing her to the fridge.

"You're gorgeous" Stan smiled

"Th-" Alex vomited all over Stan who simply laughed in reply

"My girlfriend in year four used to do that… or- or was it me?" Stan squinted

"I- I don't think we should drive" Alex muttered as Stan attempted to straddle her and fall over.

"Neither" Stan groaned from the floor

"Bebe!" Alex shouted, stepping and tripping over Stan

"Not now!" Bebe giggled, pouring whiskey down herself

"Bebe-" Kyle vomited on the floor, "let's get a taxi, I feel as drunk as your father during bucks night"

Bebe started laughing, head on his shoulder. Alex slowly stood and took Stan by the hand. Kenny leapt down from the counter and shoved her over and started singing a drunk song no one knew the words to. Stan launched to his feet and shoved Kenny over.

"Don't hit ladies!" Stan screamed and swung a punch, missing Kenny entirely, falling over.

"I- I- I would like to make a toast" Bebe walked over, "Welcome to the last year of highschool"

"Welcome to TITTYVILLE!" Kenny yanked up Bebe's shirt, revealing to everyone exactly what brand of bra she wore.

"Hey!" Kyle charged Kenny and beat the shit out of him, hitting the floor as he was so drunk to aim.

And that's all everyone remembered.


	2. Chapter 2

Stan slowly opened his eyes to the blinding sunshine in his eyes. His bed was in such disarray he didn't know where the sheets ended or started or where the duvet was straight or crumpled. Stan rolled over, half asleep, into someone's bare back. This drained all the sleep out of him, his headache and dry mouth did nothing to help him clear his head.

"Shit" Stan muttered, touching the back lightly, "Get up…"

Someone turned over and sat up, blinking at Stan. Her wild hair pointed in different directions and she hitched herself on an elbow, face slowly turning white as she drew the sheet up to her neck.

"I'm sorry" Stan croaked, sitting up, "I don't remember a thing last night"

Bebe glared at him, leapt out of bed, along with the duvet and ran for the bathroom, grabbing her clothes from the floor as she fled. Stan sighed, secretly marveling the secret two-second peak Stan stole of Bebe's ladies as she jumped off the bed.

"Sorry!" Stan cried, getting dressed and going after her

"I can't believe" Bebe sighed, "That this even happened!"

"We both can't remember it so maybe it was all just an unintentional whim" Stan tried

"You think?" Bebe opened the door, now dressed

"Kenny said you had nice melons" Stan muttered "In the fridge, and I'm starving"

"Get out of my way" Bebe huffed, walking down the stairs, Stan following

"Seriously, I love melon" Stan said, watching Bebe turn around

"Melons" Bebe said slowly to him, "Stan, you tool! He was referring to-"

Stan took out a slice of melon from the fridge, "huh?"

"Never mind" Bebe blushed the colour of a beetroot

They walked to the bus stop where everyone else stood.

"How are you today?" Kenny waved them over, "Nice MELONS!"

"Thank you!" Stan smiled, munching

"BEBE!" Kenny howled, hands flying around "has LEMONS!"

"Leave me alone" Bebe scowled

"Really, I would consider them lemons, not melons. Wendy has melons… actually Alex has oranges" Kenny smiled and jumped as Bebe slapped him

"Douche" Alex snapped, glaring

"Stop talking about my girlfriend like that" Kyle snapped

A skinny boy walked over, wearing a grey shirt.

"Hi, is this to South Park High?" he asked

"Yeah" Kenny nodded, not paying attention

"I'm Sam" Sam introduced

"Kay, whatever" Kyle answered, taking Bebe by the waist and kissing her, enjoying himself

"Great people" Sam smiled sarcastically, "Fantastic"

"Alex" Kenny leered, smiling, "when do you join the swim team?"

Stan answered for her and swiped him across the face. Bebe and Alex just glared.

"Are you going to hound everyone all day?" Bebe glared

"What? You want e to leer at YOU instead? Hmm?" Kenny winked

"Piss off!" everyone screamed in unison, Sam included

"Speaking of flying lemons, dropping peaches and swinging melons" Wendy walked over, "you should probably stop by my dad's new grocery store"

"Speaking of fruit flying contests" Kenny leered, "we should try get people to pair up for the dance"

"STOP TALKING IN EUPHEMISMS!" Sam cried, turning everyone to stare at him


	3. Chapter 3

Sam walked over to the others at the school cafeteria

"Hello, Mr I hate Euphemisms" Stan grinned

"Hi" Sam smiled, sitting with them

"I'm sure that euphemisms are the best to explain the ladies and their ta-" Kenny began

"He do this often?" Sam asked Kyle

"All the time" Kyle shrugged

"I'm Sam, by the way" he greeted

"Hi" they all generally introduced themselves

"Kyle, I need to speak to you" Bebe leaned over, "It's very important"

"Relationship issues?" Alex whispered

"Don't push it" Kyle snapped at her

"What? She's always needing private discussions with you" she playfully winked

"Haha very funny" Bebe spat, leading Kyle away

"What's their problem?" Sam asked her

"They do that. Always secret discussions" Alex shrugs

"Sure it's not a secret make out session?" Sam joked

"It's a discussion. Usually it's arguing. Bebe's always finding cracks in the relationship" Stan spoke up

"Huh" Sam shrugged, "I see"

"And speaking of relationship issues and issues in general" Alex shrugged, "I have a bad relationship with ooze, I drank too much"

"Everyone did!" Kenny laughed, only to freeze once they heard arguing. The sound of two people fighting loudly echoed in the cafeteria. No one spoke a word.

XxXx

Kyle glared at Bebe, furious.

"You slept with my best friend!" Kyle shouted

"It was a mistake!" Bebe screamed, "I was drunk!"

"Why didn't STAN tell me THIS!" Kyle screeched

"Because he didn't want to hurt you!" Bebe cried

"Of course I'm going to get butt hurt!" Kyle snapped

"You're always upset over stuff so little" Bebe complained

"You SLEEP AROUND and you're-" Kyle froze as Kenny danced into their space

"Kyle means you're an easy whore" Kenny smiled sweetly

Bebe blinked back tears, "I can't believe you SAID that!"

"Not like that!" Kyle croaked, stepping forward helplessly

Stan walked in along with everyone else.

Bebe looked deflated, "You used me, Stan"

"I did NOT!" Stan spat, ignoring Kyle's death stare

"It's NOT my fault!" Bebe sniffed

"You're trying to plant this incident on me and everyone else" Stan glared

"It's nobody's fault" Kyle spoke up, "actually, drop this whole thing"

"Really?" Bebe looked visibly relieved

"And we're over" Kyle pointed at her, motioning himself

"What!" Bebe started to blink back tears

Wendy walked up to the group, face dark, eyes narrow.

"Wendy" Stan looked at him, "Wendy, I-"

"Bebe, you stay away from MY bioyfriend" Wendy stood close to Bebe's shivering form

"I-" Bebe gulped air, "please-"

"Since you disgraced my boyfriend, me and your friends" Wendy started

"And me!" Kyle spoke up

"You are banned from cheer" Wendy seethed

"What?" Bebe whitened, "You can't leave me out!"

Wendy turned to Alex, glare so dark, Alex stiffened, "You are her replacement. Permanently"

"But I'm not fit!" Alex squeaked

"I don't care. Get fit" Wendy poked her, "Run the courts every day in the morning and come to practice at lunch"

"I-" Alex swallowed, "S- Sure. For how long?"

"Permanently" Wendy seethed, turning on her heel, giving Stan a peck on the lips and walking off.

"Well" Stan blinked, "Huh, that was a change of…."

"Yay! Jumping peaches!" Kenny winked at Alex's angry stare


	4. Chapter 4

Alex had been running several laps around the race track in the courtyard and decided to collapse into a heavily panting heap on the track. She was too tired to realize a set of feet walking her way.

"You sound ike the race track's giving you an orgy" Kenny snorted, "or something hot"

"Very Funny" Alex sat up while sweating, "I was sprinting"

"Really" Kenny lifted an eyebrow, watching as she stood up, "The racetrack wasn't just pleasuring you?"

Alex rolled her eyes, "shut up"

"I would but then I wont be able to give you this!" Kenny offered her a Gatorade from the canteen

"Thanks, then" Alex wiped the sweat from her face and took the bottle, gulping down it's contents in one swig.

"How's the new activity?" Kenny asked

"Tiresome" Alex shrugged, "Luckily we don't have to do any leaps or that crazy stuff"

"Call me a misogynist but I have a valid point as to why Cheerleading is evil" Kenny started

"And why is it evil?" Alex lifted an eyebrow

"Because" Kenny explained, "It's designed for girls to jump around and pleasure the audience"

"You are such a.." Alex shook her head in disbelief, "that's not the point of cheerleading!"

"Well what, then?" Kenny snorted

"For entertainment?" Alex suggested, "for fun?"

"Sick entertainment" Kenny laughed

"It's not sick!" Alex squeaked, irritated

"Lets see, loose tops, skimpy skirts and sweat" Kenny listed, "Evil"

Alex scoffed at this as they walked into the school.

"See you at your first match" Kenny smiled as he went to his locker

"Creep" Alex muttered, rifling through her locker


	5. Chapter 5

Bebe smiled wryly as she mused what to do with her X cheerleading gear. She went back to sit with the others for the game. Kenny sat with Sam and Stan as they watched, greeting as Bebe came over. A group of cheerleaders paraded onto the field and started a routine, Alex stood on the end of the line, looking relatively new to the sport. She looked as if she was getting the hang of it, straining under Red's flying summersaults and getting a layer of sweat before everyone else. Sam glanced at Kenny staring at a cheerleader with his jaw to the ground.

"Much enjoyment?" Bebe stared at Kenny

"There's a good one there" Kenny pointed, "the one doing a cartwheel"

"Yeah, she's the best in the team" Bebe shrugged, "Look, there's a good trick coming up"

"Oh…" Kenny stared, Sam and Stan looked at him with utter puzzlement

"I do not see how Kenny manages to find th-" Stan just shrugged the idea off

"Well, I see it's the nature of who I am" Kenny snapped, eyeing one of the cheerleaders

"Who is that looker?" Kenny leaned over to Sam and Bebe

"The one next to Alex or Wendy?" Sam asked, "I don't know her name"

"Dude, that's your sister!" Stan shouted, much to Bebe's amusement

"Ohh!" Kenny leaped forward and vomited all over the floor

"Sorry, cockblock in motion" Sam laughed, "The most epic fail of all epic fails has just erupted into the field!"

"What!" Bebe stared, confused

They stood and realized that much to the idiocy of Wendy, Alex's poor strength and the heaviness of Red's 65kg, sent Alex into a sprawling mess on the floor, a snap sounded out of the field.

"Oh shit" Bebe blinked, "Red's the heaviest! I'm the only one who can catch her!"

"Damn" Kenny muttered, "one of them, the one with the leg in the other direction still looks good"

"You're an ass" Stan said in a deadpan voice

"You mean the one you mercilessly hit on at the run track?" Sam scowled

"It's called merciless teasing" Kenny retorted, ignoring the spectacle going on in the field. An ambulance drove towards them and furiously started splinting Alex's leg.

"Cheerleading is a dangerous sport" Bebe murmured

"Hey" Bebe turned to Kyle, "please tale me back"

"No." Kyle said curtly

"Why?" Bebe blinked

"Because you are a cheating whore" Kyle added "as me again, I'll send Stan's maniac sister after you"

"Which one?" Bebe smiled, "I can deal"

"Both" Stan and Kyle said in unison

"Hey, dudes" Kenny smiled, "In all seriousness someone has to ask that chick out"

"No thanks" Stan shuddered, "Me ego is bruised enough. Plus Wendy would bruise me"

"You?" Kenny batted his eyelashes at Kyle

"I like someone else already" Kyle shrugged

"Really?" Bebe looked hopeful

"She's not blonde" Kyle quickly replied

"Oh" Bebe looked forlorn

XxXx

After school was over, Kenny walked home with his sister. When they did so, Karen looked up at him and asked a question

"If you had the chance, would you fuck every single girl on the planet?" Karen asked

"Course I would!" Kenny laughed

"Even the old and young ones? Even the gay ones?" Karen blinked

"Hell yeah!" Kenny smirked

"What about me?" Karen asked

"Sure!" Kenny laughed, way too deep in his thoughts. Kenny smiled, thinking about someone in his grade, not registering Karen's fury. Karen swiped him in the face, pissed.

"Wait, wha?" Kenny blinked, stumbling

"Pervert!" Karen screamed, "You are so dead to me!"

"The hell did I do!?" Kenny blinked


	6. Chapter 6

Alex sat in the hospital, leg up in a strap. Wendy couldn't help but laugh at her.

"Hey Wendy. You do know I am knew at this" Alex snapped

"Well, it was funny!" Wendy giggled

"Red is so heavy" Alex sighed, shuffling

"Well let's stick to more simple shit like pyramids" Wendy shrugged

"Hm" Alex shrugged

Kenny walked in with a flower, placed it on the bedside table.

"Hey, sexy split" Kenny winked

"Really, I'm going to press harassment charges if you keep up with that" Alex snapped, pulling the sheets to her chin.

"But I love doing it" Kenny walked forward

"Shut up, Kenny" Wendy rolled her eyes, "He does that to everyone, Alex"

"Really?" Alex watched as Kenny reached to grab her leg, she unlatched the strap holding it up so it would smack Kenny's hand off.

"Ow" Kenny retracted his hand, "That hurt"

"Asshole" Alex muttered  
"Don't press charges on me" Kenny batted his eyelashes, "I can't help staring at your braless gown"

Alex sighed, crossing her arms. Kyle and Sam walked in.

"You should treat others right" Kyle snapped, "That way you'd actually have a girlfriend"

"Oh shut up, its justy friendly hitting" Kenny said, "Alex, be glad I'm not forcing myself onto you"

"Jesus you have no boundaries" Alex rolled her eyes; Wendy just scoffed, sitting there in silence.

"No boundaries" Kenny stood close to her, hands teasingly near her

"Please stop that" Alex asked, annoyed

"I'm surprised she hasn't even slapped you" Kyle laughed, to which Alex laughed along.

Sam walked over and smiled, "Hey, I wonder if the cheer team would allow me to take your spot"

This caused the room to fall into a fit of laughter.

"You would look so out of place" Wendy giggled

"Yeah, I mean sure if you want to" Alex laughed

"I was kidding" Sam chuckled, "I wanted to lighten the situation"

"More like touch Alex's la-di-da, rub it on my -" Kenny whispered, causing Alex to automatically swipe at Sam, thinking it was him.

"Ow" Sam held his nose from the blood pouring down his shirt

"Crap I did it again!" Alex blushed, "Sorry, I thought you said that"

"And why would I want to touch your la-di-da?" Sam snorted

"So he can-" Kenny started, dying in his voice as the room glared him down.

XxXxXx

Kenny walked home and greeted his sister who was playing with her Gameboy.

"Karen, I kinda wanna say I'm sorry" Kenny sighed

"I can't believe you would do that!" Karen spat, "Just get out of my life!"

"But-" Kenny gulped

"Leave me alone or I'll send my boyfriend after you!" Karen huffed

"Sorry, who?" Kenny blinked

"PISS OFF!" Karen stormed off and into her room, locking the door

"Who the hell is your boyfriend!" Kenny demanded

"Not telling!" Karen shouted

Kenny sighed and pulled out a chair with a brown coat hanging over it. He sat and ate a piece of cake from the fridge, unsure what to do.


	7. Chapter 7

Sam walked up the stairs, twisting his hands. This was awkward on so many levels, he felt. He had already texted Alex saying he was coming over but it still felt odd that he was in her house. Sam walked to a closed door and opened it, stepping inside.

"Hey, Alex, I needed to-" Sam blinked, hearing Alex scream. Alex whirled in a circle, hands covering herself, tripping over her leg cast. Sam had already seen everything including the way Alex's boobs were shaped, the length of her legs and the bikini tan.

"Oh shit-" Sam blushed, not entirely sure if he should stay put or help her up. Her hair was wet from the shower and she stood up, bringing the towel from the floor with her.

"Hello" Alex blushed, wrapping the towel around herself, "Thank god you weren't Kenny. God I thought you weren't coming immediately"

"I'm sorry" Sam turned around, hunching his shoulders, attempting to stop the image of Alex in his mind. Instead of destroying the memory or forgetting about it, he marveled at the mental image.

"That was so embarrassing!" Alex howled, dressing

"I've already forgotten about it" Sam lied, attempting to reassure her

"Oh god the humiliation" Alex sighed, "No telling OR peaking!"

"I won't" Sam promised, image in his head flashing over and over like a neon sign.

"Okay, I'm dressed" Alex huffed, yanking a sweater over her head, blushing furiously.

"Uh" Sam swallowed, "I wanted to ask if you'd like to do something with me, something fun"

"Sure" Alex smiled, "that would be a wonderful idea!"

"Well" Sam forced the stubborn image from his mind, "we could see a movie?"

Alex walked with him down the pavement to the theatre.

"Apparently American Hustle came out" Alex shrugged, walking

"Yeah, my favorite actress is in it" Sam smiled at her

"Who?" Alex blinked

"Jennifer Lawrence" Sam smiled

"Oh yeah, her hair's all fake though" Alex said, "all of it"

"She's not a curly brunette" Sam said, "Knew it"

They sat in the seats in the movie and stared at the screen. Sam couldn't focus on the commercials playing on the screen, because he was unable to remove the image from his mind, the roundness, skin, curves and everything just distracted from the movie.


	8. Chapter 8

Stan, wearing a black jumper, sat beside Wendy, making out with her on the picnic blanket. They broke apart for air and Wendy resumed eating her sandwich.

"Cheerleading was great" Wendy smiled

"Yeah, I saw" Stan smiled, "I would just lay off cheerleading high tech tricks with newbies"

"MMh" Wendy shrugged, "learned that the hard way"  
"Hmm" Stan smiled, "Oh I have a friend joining us if that's okay"

"Sure" Wendy smiled back, turning to see Karen walk over with Stan's coat.

"Hey, you left this at my place" Karen gave it to Stan who gratefully took it

"Hey, Karen!" Kenny ran up to the three, "Hey, Stan. Karen I got ask you something"  
"What?" Karen glared, ignoring Stan's tender embrace

"What are you doing!?" Wendy and Kenny screamed in unison

"What?" Karen blinked, "He's my boyfriend"

"The fuck!" Wendy screamed

"I'm going to leave" Kenny backed off

"What the hell?" Wendy seethed

"Whatever" Stan shoved Wendy, "You're a bitch."

"You are with another woman!?" Wendy glared

"He said he left you" Karen shrugged

"He didn't!" Stan gasped, "Asshole!"

"And Karen, I wanted to give you something" Stan cleared his throat, "It's a little OOC but eh"

Stan gave her a very expensive looking necklace that Karen blushed at the sight of.

"STAN!" Wendy howled, "You never got me anything nice! Wait why am I- Jesus I can't believe you slept with her, me and BEBE!"

xxxx

"Do you find Jennifer Lawrence hot?" Alex blinked at Sam's mysterious new friend down south

"Um" Sam blinked, dreamy face vanishing completely, "sorta…?" the images from that afternoon refused to let up.

"Well" Alex blushed, turning away, "You're showing it"

"Ha." Sam hid his expression and walked out the theatre with her

"Thanks for the movie" Alex shrugged

"Yeah, it was great"

xxxx

Kyle was writing furiously in his essay book, unsure what to make of his new project. Kenny and Bebe sauntered over and sat with him.

"How's the essay treating you?" Bebe asked

"Better than Kenny treats woman, why?" Kyle looked up

"Ha" Kenny snorted, sitting with him, "Who're you taking to the dance?"

"Someone" Kyle shrugged, "best friend from ages ago?"

"Oh her?" Bebe scowled, "why?"

"The most embarrassing thing happened to me!" Alex laughed, sitting with them and realizing the amount of people around them, "Oh"

"What was embarrassing?" Kenny leered down at her

Sam walked in slowly, not sure where to sit. After a while, he sat with them.  
"Nothing" Alex cleared her throat

"Is it worth America's funniest?" Kyle teased

"No" Alex blushed, "Uh… yeah how is that essay treating you?"

"Who is taking me to the dance!" Bebe teased

"MEE" Kenny squealed, ignoring Bebe's groan as he hugged her tight

"I hardly know anyone and my attempt to make friends today was just weird" Sam shrugged, breaking his silence

"I don't wanna go with you!" Bebe whined

"Aww" Kenny pouted

"Huh? So can you ask anyone to the dance, yet?" Alex asked Sam

"I think I'll go it single, like Kenny" Sam shrugged

"Hm!" Kenny stood aside Sam, placed a hand on his shoulder, "Together, us bros will perv on the ladies with nobody to tie us down, and I mean no bodies"

Sam couldn't help but snort at this. At least he made a sort of friend for the evening.

"Dance with the stars!" Kyle launched from his seat

"Who do you plan to take" Alex faced him

"My best friend!" Kyle shouted

"Sta-" Alex lifted an eyebrow only to trail off as Kyle kissed her, holding her close.  
"Duh" Bebe laughed at their little kiss

"-Sure!" Alex blushed


	9. Chapter 9

"Okay cheer team!" Wendy clasped her hands, "lets practice"

"I'm quitting" Red stood up, "everyone's making fun of me because I broke Alex's leg"

"You can't quit!" Wendy shrieked

Bebe, Alex, Red and Wendy looked at one another.

"Where the fuck is Nicole!" Wendy snapped, "All cheerers have to be involved in the meetings and I don't even know why Bebe's here!"

"She hasn't been attending for the last week" Bebe explained, "Cuz you made a joke about her standing out… and the body image issues she has"

"God dammit!" Wendy sighed

"So, what do we do?" Alex asked

"We strut around" Wendy smiled, "We show the world the best thing about body image"

"Hm?" Bebe blinked

"We need to win Nicole back to the team. So we're going to make a show about your image" Wendy smiles triumphantly

"Fuck cheerleading" Red huffed, dumping the streamers and leaving

"WAIT!" Bebe shrieked

"What?" Red turned around

"I'm leaving, too" Bebe shrugged, walking off

"Ugh" Wendy dumped her own set of streamers and followed, Alex in tow.

Xx

Bebe was in mid sandwhich chew when she was listening to Kyle's short and curt answer to her question for the hundredth time.

"Please? Can't we go on, like a triple date?" Bebe batted her lashes, "Think about it, two hot girls all to yourself!"

"The answer is No" Kyle rolled her eyes, "The only one I want to be with is Alex, not you"

"But I just want to squeeze that perky ass of yours, one more time!" Bebe breathed much to Kyle's annoyance

"What's going on here?" Alex blinked, walking over with her tray of food.

"Lady here is hounding me" Kyle shrugged, mouthing _Help Me!_

"Leave Kyle alone, Bebe" Alex said calmly

"Well, I SEE how this is!" Bebe scoffed, standing up and leaving

"What a drama queen" Alex rolled her eyes much to Kyle's laughter

"…and we'll drink every time someone hits on someone or makes a pick up line" Kenny was talking to Sam as they walked to their table

"Planning what you're going to do for the dance?" Alex asked

"Yeah, lots of staring, drinking and games including drinking games while staring" Kenny shrugged

"Don't get too into it or the teacher would kick you out" Sam said

"Oh you, Sam are my wingman!" Kenny laughed, "You're in it as deep as I am!"

Xx

Kenny waved Sam off as he left for Biology and walked downstairs for chemistry, where he bumped into Stan.

"You can't possibly be two timing your long time girlfriend!" Kenny roared, "Wendy has been loyal to you since year four and THIS is what you do to repay her!?"

"Look, dude, the spark's gone" Stan shrugged

"Well, if it's gibe, at least DUMP Wendy first!" Kenny seethed

"Well-" Stan and Kenny turned around to a loud noise

Wendy threw an angry fist into Karen's jaw against the wall.

"Hey!" Wendy shouted, running over, taking out a pistol

"WENDY! LOOK OUT!" Kenny screamed, dropping his textbooks and squeezing his eyes shut. He didn't want to see it, he didn't want to know it but he definitely heard it. The sound of a bullet screeching through someone's head and the sound of a dead body plummeting to the cold cement, Kenny opened his eyes and whitened as he saw Stan lower his gun and watch Wendy lie there, dead, covered in blood, eyes to the back of her head.

"No" Kenny shook, slowly falling to his knees, "No… Wendy..."

Stan, meanwhile, was consoling a shaking and crying Karen, "Are you okay, Karen?"

"Yeah" Karen wiped her nose as she was led away by Stan, down the hall, "Thank you"

Kenny couldn't help but look down at the corpse and cry heartbroken tears, along with the circle of everyone else around him, staring and crying from shock. Feeling distraught, he walked outside, meaning to walk home when he tripped over a body of a blonde girl with a massive rack.

"Bebe!?" Kenny blinked, grabbing her and pulling her into a cradle, "Bebe!"

By the look of how Bebe was lying, it was apparent that she had leapt off the top of the school.

"I was going to ask you out!" Kenny whined, crying even harder than earlier, "I was going to say you were the love of my live and now you're gone!"


	10. Chapter 10

The dance consisted of dated music, punch, food and plenty of couples. Everyone was enjoying the atmosphere.

"Hey, dude" Kenny greeted his drinking partner

"I promised myself I would be good so I'm driving home" Sam jiggled a set of keys, "No drink over two"

"Fuck it, man!" Kenny howled, "Get a cab!"

"Uh" Sam shrugged, yeah

They both sat on a bench with a beer in hand.

"Let's start the game" Sam grinned and downed the beer

"Everytime someone makes out we drink!" Kenny jeered

Xx

Stan and Karen were making out near the coolers when Stan broke off, causing Karen to blink in confusion.

"I'm going to France in the summer" Stan said, holding her close, "I'm going to visit every place imaginable!"

"Whoa" Karen smiled, "Cool!"

"I would like you to come with me" Stan smiled down at her

"But I can't afford it!" Karen blushed

"I'll pay for it all" Stan winked

"In that case, sure!" Karen giggled

"Maybe we can get married and live there" Stan kissed her smiling lips

"Don't you think you're a little young to be running off with a two timing jerk?" Kenny walked over, slurring. Sam stood a few feet away, eyes glazed but worry on his face.

"Leave me alone, Kenny" Karen scoffed

"Really, if you're so desperate" Kenny sighed, "we may as well fuck right here"

Karen sighed with annoyance and shoved him, "I can't believe you're such a sick bastard"

"Leave them alone" Sam burped, swigging punch, "We should continue the drinking game, let em be"

"I just wanna give this asshole a piece of my mind" Kenny raised a hand to stop Sam from pulling him away

"Come on, dude" Sam grabbed Kenny by the arm "drop it"

"Fucking dipshit!" Stan flipped Kenny off

"Hey! FUCK YOU!" Kenny swore as Sam dragged him away

Sam has just sat down. Thoughts far into the depths of his misery, thinking about his life, the fact that hardly many people spoke to him and the idea he was hanging with the school pervert. His mind had begun to fog up and he started to relax as the booze ripped away the tension. Sam's eyes started to grow heavy and he allowed himself to fall asleep to the slow dance song playing.

Xx

Kyle and Alex were slow dancing, talking about the past events and everything else in their lives.

"I'm sorry about Bebe" Alex muttered

"I can't believe she jumped because I wouldn't go with her" Kyle sighed, "Such a waste of a future"

"Don't fret if you dump me. I won't jump" Alex teased, "Not that we're even together"

Kyle smiled at her and brought her close, inching his lips to hers when sudden footsteps pulled them apart in surprise.

"Hey, can I borrow your lady for a minute?" Kenny smiled at his best friend, "I just need to tell her something, I won't be long, promise"

"Uh" Kyle was going to interject

"It's really important and I will be quick, promise!" Kenny winked

"What's up?" Alex asked, following him outside the gymnasium

"Sure" Kyle shrugged, helping himself to finger food hungrily, laughing at Sam's newly slumped position on the bench, fast asleep. Kenny stepped before Alex as they were outside in the cold.

"Is everything okay?" Alex asked, crossing her arms

"Wonderful" Kenny smiled, "Sam and I are having a blast"

"Oh, that's good" Alex smiled, "You wanted to speak to me?"

"Yeah" Kenny nodded and held her to the wall, "I do"

"What are you doing?" Alex held him off with two hands, tensing up as Kenny picked her dress upwards and clenched her butt.

"I've been wanting to do this for so long" Kenny breathed on her neck

"Get off!" Alex snapped, shoving and pushing

"But I'm enjoying myself!" Kenny whined, holding her to the wall and clenching her butt as he pushed her against him.

"FUCK OFF!" Alex screamed as the doors blew themselves open

"Kenny!?" Kyle blinked in irritation

Kyle lunged forward and was just about to throw a punch when Kenny stepped backwards and snapped her bra and bolted for the gymnasium, Kyle in tow, screeching in anger.

Xx

"What th-" Sam blinked, flinching from Alex's piercing scream. He sat up, banging his head on a lever above his head, causing it to shudder and jolt up, causing a loud clang to echo in the room.

"Huh…" Sam rubbed his drunken eyes, stomach gurgling and roaring from the acid of the booze

"You bastard!" Sam heard Kyle scream.

Sam stood up and looked over the swarming heads and bodies running to the center of the room. Sam went on his toes and looked down his nose and gasped. A massive glass chandelier crumpled into the wooden floor, along with Kenny's bloody pulp.


	11. Chapter 11

Kenny looked up at the huge red thing staring down at him with yellow eyes.

"So you want me to bring them back?" Satan blinked

"Yeah, they died wrongfully" Kenny shrugged

"Well, they're not immortal" Satan said

"Please?" Kenny sighed, "I'm really trying to set some people right and I clearly messed up a minute ago"

"No shit" Satan plucked a hair off his eyebrow

"So, will you?" Kenny pleaded, "Please?"

"Well, alright" Satan smiled, "People cheat death all the time"

Xx

Sam knocked on Bebe's door, holding a large bunch of flowers. He was going to give it to the parents and send his condolences. He felt if he did so, the feeling deep in his chest would leave him alone. The feeling of pity, misery, loneliness and grief, he felt that Bb doing this, he would have some form of closure. Sam was to do this to Wendy's parents after, as he felt bad with how Stan treated her. He glanced at his feet, looking at the scuffmark on his shoe when the door opened.

"Hello?" a voice much younger than the whittled voice he was expecting

"Hi-" Sam blinked, looking up, "O- oh you're alive?"

"Yeah, I was sleeping somewhere on a rock in hell, woke up in bed" Bebe shrugged

"These" Sam swallowed as he held out the flowers while cringing

"You alright?" Bebe blinked, ignoring the flowers

"I have a hangover" Sam cleared his throat

"Are these for…?" Bebe took the flowers

"They were supposed to be for your grave in the cemetery" Sam shuffled "But considering you're here…"

"Thanks that's really sweet of you" Bebe grinned, "But I'm allergic to pollen"

"Oh" Sam blinked as she stifled a sneeze, "Sorry about that"

"But it was meaningful" Bebe walked inside, Sam in tow

"May I ask why you're not dead?" Sam lifted an eyebrow

"Well, someone clearly thought I had a reason to still be alive. My parents don't know that I was dead. They think I was always alive" Bebe shrugged, "Hey don't go"

Sam turned around from walking outside, "Huh?"

"I could use some company" Bebe smiled

Xx

Wendy slowly lifted her head from the pillow. A _Get Well _card rested on her bedside table.

_Dear Wendy_

_Please teach my best friend a lesson and kick his ass. _

_Kenny M._

Wendy frowned at this and sat up in bed. The last few hours she was dead. She got out of bed and walked downstairs. That was exactly what she was going to do! She was going to kick her X boyfriend's ass.


	12. Chapter 12

Stan and Wendy stood together in the school courtyard. Stan frowned, confused as to why she was alive.

"How did you?" Stan trailed off

"I don't know" Wendy shrugged, "Also I'm here to kick your sad ass"

"Why?" Stan gasped

"Because you are one dumb fucker" Wendy scowled

Soon, the school had gathered around the two in a circle, ready for a fight to erupt.

"Plus" Wendy lifted an elastic and tied her hair, "You cheated on two lovely girls. One of them was your best friend's sister!"

"It's fine now" Stan backed away from the angry girl, fists balled and teeth bared

"Oh no it isn't" Wendy laughed, cracking a fist, "You're in for a massive fist fight"

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" everyone jeered, much to Stan's horror. Karen wasn't anywhere to be seen to jump in and talk sense to anyone, especially Wendy.

"You cheated on me!" Wendy shrieked, punching Stan over and over

"I'm sorry!" Stan screamed as Wendy punched and scraped with her nails

"You asshole!" Wendy cried, "You dates your best friend's sister? She's way out of your age!"

"Ahh!" Stan shrieked as Wendy beat and punched Stan into a bloody and bruised pulp.

"I will never ever take you back" Wendy snarled, "But some unassuming innocent girl will be warned of your actions!"

Zz

Karen was watching television when Kenny stood before the TV, making Karen annoyed.

"I have to talk to you" Kenny said, stepping forward, "about boys"

"Ugh, I KNOW everything about boys!" Karen scoffed

"No. I mean about Boys. What they do, how they talk, why they say stuff and how they behave. And more importantly, about finding the right man to marry in the future" Kenny grinned, switching off the TV

"The hell do you know?" Karen crossed her arms

"You see" Kenny sat beside her, "There are two kinds of people. The ones who want to get in your pants, and the ones who want to get in your heart"

"Stan loves me!" Karen whined

"No he fucking doesn't" Kenny scolded, "If he did, he would have had the decency to dump Wendy and leave plenty of time for the wounds to heal"

"But!" Karen froze as Kenny waved her to quiet down

"There are also people who have moral values and empathy" Kenny continued, "These people will give a shit about other people before themselves. Stan is an egotistical bastard"

Karen blinked back tears, trembling.

"As much as I will support you if Mom wont let you marry someone of a different race, I will not support you dating Stan. He has the worst values" Kenny reassured

"You should talk! You molested someone at the dance!" Karen spat

"And I feel guilty for it" Kenny said, "I regret every single thing I did that night and so should you about Stan"

Zz

Wendy glared at Stan's crying heap on the ground. She had broken a sweat from pummeling the crap out of him and she smiled at her handiwork.

"Hey, Stan" Wendy grinned, "Your phone fell out your pocket"

Stan rolled over as Wendy lifted the buzzing phone "Who is it?"

"Dump her" Wendy snarled, holding the phone out after reading the caller ID "Now"

Stan slowly reached a quivering hand to the phone and pressed it to his ear.

"Wait, you're dumping me?" Stan blinked

_It's better this way_

"Why?" Stan whispered

_Because you cheated on Wendy and I don't trust you enough to be loyal to me. I should have thought of this sooner. I should never have been okay with a two timing cheat. I should have respected my friend's feelings. I should have told her. I should never EVER have listened to you. _

"But- But Paris…?" Stan gulped

_Fuck Paris, Stan. And FUCK YOU!_

Stan dropped his mobile after hearing the dial tone and turned to face Wendy, blinking at her out stretched hand.

"Get up" Wendy said calmly, helping Stan to his feet

"I'm Sorry, Wendy" Stan mumbled

"Maybe I'll accept that apology after a while. Maybe after you redeem yourself" Wendy walked away as the crowd dispersed.


	13. Chapter 13

Bebe and Sam were walking down the school hallway, past two redheads making out against the lockers and Kenny jerking off manically in a corner as they walked to the cafeteria. They noticed Karen was sobbing hysterically.

"Maybe I should go talk to her" Bebe mumbled

"Don't" Sam took her by the arm, "She deserves to be alone"

"I know but" Bebe sighed, "She did dump someone"

"And I doubt we should intervene" Sam whispered as they watched a shorter Canadian boy amble over to the empty table where Karen was.

"The right type of person has to interfere" Bebe shrugged "Why didn't you want me to go after her?"

"Because she's kinda desperate to go after someone already in a relationship, and I kind of don't want to risk knowing her in the first place, incase something bad happens involving rape"

"God" Bebe snorted while laughing, "You're so paranoid!"

"Mh" Sam shrugged, smiling lightly as Bebe slid her hand into his and gave it a squeeze. They watched as Ike tried to reassure Karen who eventually had a smile on her face, soon they were conversing like friends.

THE END!


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